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Your pet is a part of your family and losing them can be emotionally devastating. If you or someone you know recently lost a canine companion, we offer you our most sincere condolences. We’ve been there and understand the pain you are feeling right now.
Here are some additional strategies and insights to help you work through this difficult time.
The Grief Process
Everyone deals with grief in different ways. Strong initial emotions my preclude the inevitable sadness that comes when the shock is gone. These reactions are often taken out on those closest to the one experiencing the loss, and act almost as a means of protection for that person until they are able to face the truth.
The process, as a whole, may look like the following:
- Denial and/or anger
- Guilt
- Sadness and/or grief
- Depression
- Acceptance
Dealing With Your Grief
While grieving is a very individual and personal thing, there comes a time for us all when it’s best to stop feeling the loss and to actively choose to move past it. The right time for you, will not necessarily be the same as someone else. Depending on how long it takes you to move through denial and get to acceptance, it could take weeks or it could take years for you to become ready to deal with your grief. When you are ready, however, you don’t have to face it alone.
Facing Death Together
Aside from willing family and/or friends, there are entire communities of people who feel just like you and want to connect. Types of support include:
- Pet-bereavement counseling
- Pet-loss support hotlines
- Online and/or local pet-loss support groups and forums
If sitting down for a one-on-one with an actual counselor, or even getting up the nerve to attend a local support group proves too much at this point in your process, Tufts University Cummings School of Veterinary medicine offers a toll-free, Pet Loss Support Hotline for grieving parties. You can also add your thoughts below to receive Pet Loss Support from our community here.
Personally Facing Death
While outside support is an important tool for coping with your grief, there are some things that a support group can’t do for you… you have to do them for yourself.
Here are a few things that you can do on your own to help on your path to recovery:
- Acknowledge your sadness, embrace it, and give yourself permission to feel and express this pain! It’s a vital part of the healing process.
- Write out your feelings. Whether it’s in a personal journal or an essay on Fido that you submit for publication, writing is extremely cathartic.
- Volunteer with a local animal shelter. While this may be best left for the later stages of grief, just like helping other people helps you forget your own problems, helping other animals will help you move past your loss.
- Prepare a memorial for your pet. The act of having a service, saying a few words, and laying your pup to rest will definitely help give you the closure you need.
Dealing With Reality
Beyond your grief lies reality: Whether you’re having to make the tough decision to euthanize your sick or aging pet, or if your pet is already gone and you’re having to deal with the memorial, and burial or cremation arrangements, the reality of these situations can come crashing down on you like a ton of bricks.
This can leave you feeling overwhelmed and unsure of where to turn. We’ll walk you through these separate scenarios so you can confidently cope with whatever comes your way throughout the process.
Dog Euthanasia
As your pet ages, or in the event that your otherwise healthy pup should become unexplainably ill or injured beyond recovery, it may be necessary to become emotionally prepared to euthanize your pet. From knowing when it’s time, how to say goodbye and what to expect next, our article on Dog Euthanasia will walk you through this difficult process so you don’t have to do it alone.
Dog Cremation
Whether your dog’s death was of natural causes, or you were forced to make that tough decision yourself to end his or her pain and suffering, once your dog has passed comes the matter of cremation or burial. Our article on dog cremation and burial offers information on the process of dealing with the remains, and options for memorializing your pet after death.
Remembering Your Pet
Don’t forget: The best way to honor your pet, your four-legged family member, is to remember the good times you had together and to be grateful that you were given the valuable time you had. Gratefulness goes a long way in the healing process, and helps us remember that, despite the heartache when our sweet ones pass on, that it was worth it… and that one day, it will be worth it again.
Rainbow Bridge Can Comfort One Dealing With The Loss Of A Pet
Whether you are dealing with the loss of a pet yourself or helping a loved one manage their pain, the Rainbow Bridge is always a nice story to share your sympathy in a very empathetic and caring way.
Source: CanineJournal.com
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Video: Rainbow Bridge Song
Discussing and sharing stories of your pet after losing them one way to begin the healing process. We welcome you to leave memories of your dog in our comments below.
Another sweet idea is to create a dog gift or photo book with your loved one’s photo to remember them. Looking back through old photos allows you to relive the memories you cherished together.
How will you remember your pet?
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I pulled my Pepsi straight up choking him to get him away from dog but 2 ND night dog got him before I could get mine up he’s a small dog a mini pin I finally got him up but he jumped up n grabbed him again thrashing him about had to put him down lost to much blood.
3000.00 to save him couldn’t afford it so 500 for pain meds n putting him to sleep awful I’m crushed had to get another small dog right away.
They may not find dog
It’s been 1 week since I let my Stetson, (our handsome loving sweet14 yr old Akita Shepherd mix) go in our family room with my wife and I holding him from both sides kissing hugging him and whispering in his ear as the wonderful vet euthanized him. We spent the day before just hanging out on a blanket outside feeding him steak, saying good bye to friends and neighbors.
I’ve been through this before more than once and it never gets any easier, ever. But we are all so blessed and loved not only by our beloved pets, but by God. He loves all of you and His heart breaks for us for He knows the sorrow all too well for His sacrifice for us. (I am NOT getting religious just Truth.) As much as we hurt, our joy will be everlasting when we cross that rainbow bridge one day! I believe this not because it makes me feel better, but because I know and have amazing proof in my life. God loves us and He loves all of His creatures. How much more will He love us for sharing unconditional love and joy, and yes, pain and sorrow, with His creatures.
Once an animal has loved and been loved, they then have a soul, because God is love and they, like us, become through love, made in his image, eternal. My pain and sorrow is shared with each of you. When it’s time, and you’ll each know when that is, make sure to love another pet that needs your love as much as you / we need theirs. Peace to all of you. ♥ ☀
Allow yourself time to be sad, upset, angry, etc. If that means having a good cry before you start your day, do it. If that means yelling at the top of your lungs to release tension, do it. After losing my mom, I’d give myself 10 minutes in the morning to just feel what I was feeling before I needed to get to work and do other things.
Continue to care for yourself. Eat healthy, well-rounded meals and get fresh air daily. You may be scared to go for walks if you used to do those with your dog. I encourage you to still try, even if it’s just around the block. Consider downloading a podcast or listening to some upbeat music to help boost you.
Exercise regularly. Go for bike rides, lift some weights, take an exercise class, do yoga, etc. Do whatever you enjoy for activity and make it part of your routine.
Altogether, try to create a routine and stick to it. That’s not to say you can’t feel upset in the middle of your day and allow yourself to feel those emotions. Just try to stay preoccupied with other activities so the grief doesn’t consume you.
Be sure to talk to someone you trust about your feelings and check in with them regularly. Talk to others (that includes us) about what you loved about your dog and what you miss. Share your favorite memories, etc. We love to hear stories about dogs.
Losing someone doesn’t mean you have to stop thinking about them, caring for them or talking about them. One day, you will see something that reminds you of your dog and you’ll notice a smile come over your face. You’ll be sad she isn’t with you, but you’ll be happy you have memories and daily reminders of her. Other days, your eyes may water because your heart aches for her. Both reactions are perfectly acceptable and are a part of grief.
I certainly have empathy for any animal lover who has had to or will have to sometime in the future made that dreaded decision. Once a pet becomes part of your family they
become part of you and you of them.
The consolation I continue to give myself is once the pet passes the go to a better place. A place where there is eternal peace.
There’s a saying that goes something like, every time a dog of mine dies, it tears out a little bit of my heart; but, this hole is then filled with a little piece of my dog’s heart. So, in time, my heart will grow to be more and more loving, more patient, more forgiving, just like the hearts of all of my dogs. And someday my heart will be all dog!
I take comfort in something I thought of one day. I call it The Way of Dog. None of them live long enough, but they share everything they have, and then they return to the Earth. It is The Way of Dog.
Louis CK the comedian has quipped, “A puppy is just a countdown to heartache.” Of course he’s right, except for the “just” part, which makes the quip cynical. Because a puppy is also the hope of joy, laughter, and deep companionship, and these are not anything to be cynical about. Or, as you put it so simply and beautifully, “another 11 years.”
Is it better to have loved and lost, then never have loved at all? Of course it is. Your Saint Bernard made you a better person. You and your dog brought joy to so many people, of all ages, who stopped for a little petting, to give a treat, or just to admire the beauty of the two of you from afar. (And by the way—you were lucky to have one of the giant breeds for an entire 11 years!)
Eventually it will be time for you to get another dog. Not to replace the dog you have lost, for that is impossible, but to find a different kind of dog friend. Every dog is unique and each dog has something special to share.
Choose carefully. Don’t feel you have to adopt a shelter dog if you cannot find the right dog at your shelter. Don’t let anyone push you around on this. You know what you need and want better than anyone.
In our house we have Jasper, a Golden Retriever who is almost 11 and has incurable cancer in his leg. We’re seeing a veterinary oncologist tomorrow to learn more about his prognosis, but we know it is not good. I cry on and off during the day, and sleep has been difficult some nights. Jasper is my best friend. We will do right by him, and he trusts us completely. We will never have another dog like Jasper but we will have another dog, because it is the only way.
he was diagnosed with thyroid adenocarcinoma July 2018 and i had to let him go July 2019, he was a few months to his 10th birthday…
despite all the efforts (he has done chemo and was treated with integrative/holistic medicine, special diet and supplements) the cancer was to aggressive and he was losing his happiness and joy of life…
i had made the toughest decision ever and, despite i know it was time and i had made the right call, the emptiness of not having him with me is excruciating…
all that i want is to have him in my arms again and feel his paw in my hand…
he was my World…
She suffered degenerative myopathy and was diagnosed last week with bladder cancer. We had no clue until she started bleeding a lot of blood and all the vet could do is send her home with pain killers.
I started preparing the family and invited her human friends over to say their good bye. Last night my husband and daughter and myself spend the night sleeping in the family room with our baby. Our poor baby couldn’t sleep, to sick, she had suffered a lot the past few month and had lost a lot of weight and could no longer stand on her own.
Afterwards we all had to go to work and coming back to an empty house was so sad and depressing. We all pretty much cried all day and miss her so much. At first I felt relieved that she’s no longer suffering but right now it’s just killing me.Her diapers, beds, toys, treats, meds etc is all still there. I will leave it for now, it’s still a big piece of her and I’m not ready to part.
The thing is I dont know where she is? Is she happy? Does she misses us and her home? Is she confused? Is she taken care of and loved? So many questions!
The sadness and emptiness is overwhelming. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through and am 50 years old.
I hope my baby is safe and the feelings will start to lessen.
I will pick up her urn in two weeks and create a memorial for her.Rest in peace beloved beautiful Cinnamon!
Thank you for reading, maybe sharing my grief will help someone else.
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What a lucky dog was Shelby to have you two in her life. And she lived so long! I so wish my Golden Retriever, ,Jasper would die at home with us instead of at the vet. I was so hoping he would make it to 14 years old, even though I know that’s unrealistic, but it looks like he will barely make it to 11. With his aggressive cancer he probably will have to be euthanized at the vet to prevent suffering. We will of course be there, holding him, but it would be easier at home.
None of our dogs live long enough. The cure to your suffering, the two things that will relieve your heartbreak, are (1) time and (2) another dog, when the time is right.
About a month ago at the dog park (our city’s dog park in Santa Fe, New Mexico, is probably 40 acres), I met a gray haired couple walking on the trail, but I did not see a dog. “Where’s your dog?” I asked, and they said their dog passed away a couple months before. The woman said they, came to the dog park just to be around dogs, because they missed theirs so much. I said, as gently as I could, “Maybe it is time to get another dog.” The woman immediately shook her head no, but the man did not react, he just turned and kept walking.
I think they had a great idea. Why not visit a local dog park and get a little free (pet) therapy? Sit on a bench and the dogs will run past, some may even run up to greet you. Notice all the dogs that are so different from Shelby, and ask their people what they like about their kind of dog.
Our relationship with our dogs is a very personal thing. Don’t let others try to make you feel guilty, and don’t feel rushed about getting another dog. This is all about the two of you and Shelby, no one else.
Reading your post a second time, reading between the lines, it does seem to me that another dog is something you would like to have; perhaps fairly soon? I once met a woman who had 4 Golden Retrievers, one at a time, over the span of her life. She missed each dog but loved the one she was with. That’s really all any of us can do.