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Your pet is a part of your family and losing them can be emotionally devastating. If you or someone you know recently lost a canine companion, we offer you our most sincere condolences. We’ve been there and understand the pain you are feeling right now.
Here are some additional strategies and insights to help you work through this difficult time.
The Grief Process
Everyone deals with grief in different ways. Strong initial emotions my preclude the inevitable sadness that comes when the shock is gone. These reactions are often taken out on those closest to the one experiencing the loss, and act almost as a means of protection for that person until they are able to face the truth.
The process, as a whole, may look like the following:
- Denial and/or anger
- Guilt
- Sadness and/or grief
- Depression
- Acceptance
Dealing With Your Grief
While grieving is a very individual and personal thing, there comes a time for us all when it’s best to stop feeling the loss and to actively choose to move past it. The right time for you, will not necessarily be the same as someone else. Depending on how long it takes you to move through denial and get to acceptance, it could take weeks or it could take years for you to become ready to deal with your grief. When you are ready, however, you don’t have to face it alone.
Facing Death Together
Aside from willing family and/or friends, there are entire communities of people who feel just like you and want to connect. Types of support include:
- Pet-bereavement counseling
- Pet-loss support hotlines
- Online and/or local pet-loss support groups and forums
If sitting down for a one-on-one with an actual counselor, or even getting up the nerve to attend a local support group proves too much at this point in your process, Tufts University Cummings School of Veterinary medicine offers a toll-free, Pet Loss Support Hotline for grieving parties. You can also add your thoughts below to receive Pet Loss Support from our community here.
Personally Facing Death
While outside support is an important tool for coping with your grief, there are some things that a support group can’t do for you… you have to do them for yourself.
Here are a few things that you can do on your own to help on your path to recovery:
- Acknowledge your sadness, embrace it, and give yourself permission to feel and express this pain! It’s a vital part of the healing process.
- Write out your feelings. Whether it’s in a personal journal or an essay on Fido that you submit for publication, writing is extremely cathartic.
- Volunteer with a local animal shelter. While this may be best left for the later stages of grief, just like helping other people helps you forget your own problems, helping other animals will help you move past your loss.
- Prepare a memorial for your pet. The act of having a service, saying a few words, and laying your pup to rest will definitely help give you the closure you need.
Dealing With Reality
Beyond your grief lies reality: Whether you’re having to make the tough decision to euthanize your sick or aging pet, or if your pet is already gone and you’re having to deal with the memorial, and burial or cremation arrangements, the reality of these situations can come crashing down on you like a ton of bricks.
This can leave you feeling overwhelmed and unsure of where to turn. We’ll walk you through these separate scenarios so you can confidently cope with whatever comes your way throughout the process.
Dog Euthanasia
As your pet ages, or in the event that your otherwise healthy pup should become unexplainably ill or injured beyond recovery, it may be necessary to become emotionally prepared to euthanize your pet. From knowing when it’s time, how to say goodbye and what to expect next, our article on Dog Euthanasia will walk you through this difficult process so you don’t have to do it alone.
Dog Cremation
Whether your dog’s death was of natural causes, or you were forced to make that tough decision yourself to end his or her pain and suffering, once your dog has passed comes the matter of cremation or burial. Our article on dog cremation and burial offers information on the process of dealing with the remains, and options for memorializing your pet after death.
Remembering Your Pet
Don’t forget: The best way to honor your pet, your four-legged family member, is to remember the good times you had together and to be grateful that you were given the valuable time you had. Gratefulness goes a long way in the healing process, and helps us remember that, despite the heartache when our sweet ones pass on, that it was worth it… and that one day, it will be worth it again.
Rainbow Bridge Can Comfort One Dealing With The Loss Of A Pet
Whether you are dealing with the loss of a pet yourself or helping a loved one manage their pain, the Rainbow Bridge is always a nice story to share your sympathy in a very empathetic and caring way.
Source: CanineJournal.com
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Video: Rainbow Bridge Song
Discussing and sharing stories of your pet after losing them one way to begin the healing process. We welcome you to leave memories of your dog in our comments below.
Another sweet idea is to create a dog gift or photo book with your loved one’s photo to remember them. Looking back through old photos allows you to relive the memories you cherished together.
How will you remember your pet?
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Im not only dealing with the grief and loss of my faithful companion and bestfriend, but also thoughts that are driving me insane.
So many thoughts are running through my mind and I cant find peace with this. I blame my friend for not being careful, or for taking him with him in the first place. And I fear that since I was gone for 2 months whiskers may have thought I abandoned him and where he was is his new home. But I was coming back and I was missing him the whole time.
When I saw whiskers body at the vet i held him in my arms for as long as I could. My poor baby was awake during his death, his eyes were still open when i held him. My heart is breaking and i cant help but think that it wasn’t suppose to happen like this. We should have had more time, and if it really was his time.. not like this. Whiskers died in pain and alone on the couch while my colleague was asleep in his room.
A few days before I got that call, i remember my friend asked me “whats the first thing you’re gonna do when you go back to Dubai?” All i said was “Im going to pick up Whiskers and go home.” Thats all i said. I remember.
My apartment is not my home without him. Everything is different, i donno how to spend my days without him. I dont know how i will go to work and face my colleague that I can no longer call friend. My tears have not stopped since that 4am call, my chest feels heavy, i cant eat, and i havent had a good night sleep in days. Ive been reading and looking for stories that resemble mine, to learn how to move past it, but i haven’t found any. Im sure there are plenty of people that have gone through this, but im not able to find them. So here i am reaching out.
I know what you mean about driving over the spot. Then you just think about it. It’s so awful. I feel like I’m getting a little OCD when I start to think about it. I’m really trying not to focus on how it ended or anything about that day. In some ways I feel bad to try to forget it. For some reason, it feels like I should remember it, but I know it’s better to try to forget. There’s nothing that can be done about it. I’m really going to try to work on that..
I’m sorry about how you felt when you looked at getting a new dog. I think we really have to wait until it can be a happy occasion. I think I want to be out of my “dog routine” long enough that I know I’m not trying to replace what I missing. It needs to be a “start over.” New friend. Just like if a human friend passed. We don’t try to replace them, but we did continue to meet new people. That article I had tried to share was removed or something. But it’s so sweet. Look up “moving on after loosing an older dog – healing ceremony ”
I’m anxious about whether or not I want a new dog. I think about it all time and feel like a really unbalanced person about it. I feel like I need prepare and install a new fence, but I also don’t feel ready to commit. I also worry I will be so paranoid about something bad happening to my dog again. But it’s also one of the only thoughts that comforts me – thinking I could have another friend someday to share my life with, as we do lots of fun dog activities.
Today I just woke up really sad. I hope I wake up better tomorrow. Nice to hear from your journey again, Lois. Just keep on persevering.
I’m so sorry about the complication of your Whiskers being with your colleague when this happened. I am thinking your colleague just wanted Whiskers to enjoy an adventure, and did not intend for anything like this. But I know that doesn’t really help. It’s painful. It’s awful. You’re still in the early stages. Just try to eat right and get sleep as you’re in the darkest days. It will lighten a bit.
I’m sure Whiskers didn’t think you abandoned you. They think differently than we do. They are in the moment. He probably thought, this other guy’s a good friend. My person will be home any minute, and we’ll have fun too! I don’t think they understand the passing of time like we do.
I know you must have been a good owner because of your post here. Be proud of all the good times you had. Take care of yourself
I’m so sorry you have that picture in your head. That has been really hard for me, too. But it is getting better. I’m having to fight to chase those visions out of my head, but I am trying. It’s still fresh for you. Don’t feel about about being emotional. It is a big loss. This is real grief, and you’re sorting it all out. I hope that you can some day soon take comfort in your good memories.
Try to do good and happy things. You deserve to enjoy life still.
I understand the bed thing. My guy used to sleep at our feet. He would usually end up laying across my feet, which sometimes woke me up, causing me to not sleep so well. But for the first couple of weeks, I kept waking up, missing it, feeling like something was wrong with that weight missing off my feet. 🙁 It has gotten easier though in that way. Keep trying to heal
After all that experience of dealing with the grief and loss you might assume that the next time that it might be a little easier to cope with? No not at all. You know what’s coming but you cant stop it. Life is a rollercoaster and so is grief. A hell ride that you cant get off until it stops. It does stop eventually though, I promise you. you will recover and the pain will ease with time. There is no quick fix to make it go away. You can search the net for answers but you wont find instant relief.You can though learn so much from the love of a pet. They live each day as it comes. they dont worry about what happened yesterday or what might happen tomorrow, only the present is of any concern to them. Thats the way to deal with what we are facing. One day at a time. Cry rivers if you need to, it will bring some relief. I have cried just about every day since, some days only a few tears, other days, like today I’ve cried a river. I’m crying for my loss. for myself.My dog isn’t in pain. he had the best life I could give him, two walks a day, plenty to eat, love and attention but as caring dog owners we become a parent and they become our children as they are so very similar to children and I think that is the reason it hits us so hard. The loss of a dog or pet is very personal to the owner. No one else really understands. The more you love, the more it hurts when it ends. I’ve vowed in the past when I’ve experienced loss that I would never love or get attatched again. It’s never happened. A life without love is a living death. I hope this helps someone out there going through the same. I hope the New year is kind to you. All the best.
It’s been two months to the day. I’m not a crier.. Really, I’m not. Yet I’ve cried everyday for the last 61 days.
He, Kihei, was 10 ½. We had him his whole life. He was such a joy in our life and an adventurer. Got us out and enjoying nature. Now I can’t even go for a walk around the block because I’m too sad to do it without him. He’s why we bought the house with the big yard.
You know it’s going to happen some day. I feel like I can accept and understand that, sad as it is , as a basic fact in theory. I don’t know if it’s so hard because he was hit by a car, and if things were just a little different that day, he’d still be with us. He had never ran in the road in all his days. I turned my back for a moment.
The guilt… The guilt… and then the guilt that I’m focusing on myself and my guilt and not enough on the loss for him.
From what I’m reading, I’m seeing that no matter how we lose them, it’s terrible. All of us are second guessing something or having guilt. Someone told me they think part of owning a pet is understanding there is going to be a tragedy. Due to their nature, we can’t protect them from everything or they would have no fun. And their life span is short. No matter how much we love them, we cannot change this.
I was also reminded to try to focus on the good and the joy they brought to life by them because if we are overwhelmingly sad for the rest of our lives, we’d have to conclude we would have been better off not knowing them.. and we don’t want that to be so. But, on the flip side, because it’s this difficult for all of us, it does speak to how much we valued them. No matter how they passed, all of us have such deep grief because they meant so much to us, and no doubt we all did our best to provide them with the best life we could.
I should have known no dog can ever fully know not to go in the road.
He had so much life left in him.
I always tried to hard to make sure his health was good and he was so well taken care of… Then this happens.
Sometimes I see or hear stories of people who have many years with their dogs. I feel a bit envious. He was a Cockapoo, and they have a long life span. But I’m sure there are plenty of people who get even less time with their precious baby. Or see their beloved friend suffer and struggle with what to do. I think we just have to try to think like dogs do. They live in the moment and enjoy it. They don’t regret the past or worry about the future or what could have been, and they would not want that for us.
One thing my husband and I did right away was start jotting down memories. We didn’t want to forget those quirky things that made him his unique self. It was a lot of random, disjointed thoughts. But I know when we’re in a healthier place, we can go back and read the words and be happy we have them.
For those of you just beginning this terrible journey, please don’t be impatient with yourself. It’s a process. Healing isn’t a linear thing. In the beginning days off all this, I remember feeling panicky when I’d have a really bad day again, having thought I was progressing past that. I would think that life would be at that level of just so terrible from then on. But then I’d have an okay day after that. Just try to deal with the day at hand.
One thing I’ve been struggling with is the memories of the day… The sights, the sounds. . You likely all know what I mean. Any advice on not letting those thoughts plague you?
Another thing I wonder about is when or if to ever get another little fur friend. I don’t know. How can I go through this pain again? Also, what if I’m disappointed in the new dog or don’t feel that connection I had with my Kihei? I feel like he was a once in a lifetime kind of connection for me. It also feels wrong to get another dog during these years we should still have our boy, if we hadn’t made that terrible mistake . He should still be here. But then again, I feel like our home could really benefit from the love a dog brings. And we do many activities that a dog would enjoy. Any thoughts from your experience?
Thank you so much for this safe space to discuss and grieve. It’s a little tricky because I do understand a larger world view… there’s a lot of horrible things going on all around the world, so in the big picture my tragedy is small. But in my life, it’s the worst pain I’ve felt personally
an
Thank you so much for your support and basically mentoring for this group.
I’m glad you’re having joy in your life and can laugh. I’m sure Tink would want that for you. Thanks for all the support you’ve shown to everyone here.
I lost my Mother in my arms 15 years ago, and I was there stroking my Fathers head as he passed only 15 months ago, and now my boy.
I am 48 years old and have suffered so much loss of such beloved family and loved ones, that I just can’t take anymore. this hurts, I mean really HURTS. I can’t keep fighting back, or being strong and trying to recover from all this pain. I feel its so unfair and keep wondering over n over….WHY?
it has been 4 days I think now, and it has been non stop agony that I am feeling.
This is different. I’ve lost dogs that I’ve adored before, I’ve lost both of my parents, But this is different.
He was well, he was fit as a fiddle, bouncy, full of life, he was constantly beside me, or on me or one of us. I used to call him mountain goat because he’d stand on me like I was his mobile mountain, he’d sleep in my arms and share my pillow, he’d stand on our chest and lick our faces dry if we were crying, he was the most amazing creature I have ever met and now I have lost him and all that incredible love and fun, and my house feels dead and empty and numb. I have no ashes, I drove to the vets within 12 hours of it happening as he was in my car and I felt so guilty for that, couldn’t sleep wink knowing he was out there in my car whilst the wind was blowing. I couldn’t go out there as I was broken and had to stay close to my young Son, and I couldn’t bring him in as my other dog would have been in pieces. I got him communally cremated, but took a tuft of his beautiful silky fur with me, that still felt so alive when I had to leave him and kissed him goodbye so many times.
I just don’t understand why one has to suffer such terrible loss.
I am sorry if my post is rather harrowing and I am so so sorry to anyone who is also feeling this wretched pain at the loss of such a pure unconditional love :'(
As far as the wild range of emotions, I think it’s very normal. How can it not be? They mean so much to us. Just hang in there. You’ll start to process it all soon, and even though the pain is still there, I think the you’ll feel more evened out soon. Mine died 2 months ago. Still working on it myself, but the panicky feelings are less.
I am not handling this well at all, the amount of tears I cry is amazing
Bella was and will always be my BEST FRIEND!!
I’m lost I’m hurt I’m angeey because I couldn’t save her or stop her Illness.
I have a lot of videos and pictures she look back on but it’s not the same!! Does it ever get easyer? I’m heart broken!!!